On our ‘Engaging People, Powering Companies’ podcast before Christmas,
Amrit shared his thoughts on how he is witnessing over and over again, talented, experienced, knowledgeable people being overcome with self-doubt. Likelihood is, you are no stranger to feeling like an imposter. Like at any minute, you are going to be found out and your credibility called into question. Somehow, we feel underserving of our achievements and successes, despite how hard we may have worked to get there.
We will call this Imposter Phenomenon, as to call it a ‘syndrome’ which it commonly has been known, has medical connotations, suggesting the need for some sort of treatment, that the sufferer is sick with it and needs help. While it may be that sufferers of this phenomenon do need help, that help isn’t medical.
Instead, it’s a ‘let’s shout about it’, share, and get stuck in helping ourselves and each other with this, because it is not a rare occurrence. Despite it feeling like a dirty little secret just for us, shameful and hidden in the shadows, which if you have suffered, you will know only too well – but no, it is everywhere, and it is holding us back. The world needs us at our greatest, so we’ll talk about it, helping us start 2024 strong, kicking Imposter Phenomenon to the curb!
It was believed for a good while that this was more common in women. Original research by Dr Pauline Clance and Dr Suzanne Imes in 1978, studied women and how many felt they were not worthy of their achievements. This early research, and that which followed, focused primarily on women and mostly denied that men experienced these fraudulent feelings. However, in 2012 Harvard Psychologist Amy Cuddy, gave a TED Talk on the subject, in which half the feedback she received was from men saying that they are conditioned to feel more fear when talking about vulnerable feelings, which could be why the need to study this phenomenon in men was not so prevalent - they just didn’t talk about it.
This isn’t to say that the challenges that women have faced in what Amrit described on the podcast as still a ‘man’s world’, might not be a factor for women feeling this way. It’s just to say that this is a human condition that is common and debilitating at the same time, and without a strategy, could hinder us in business big time. Not only can it cause pain psychologically, but it can also lead to failure. Amy Cuddy explains how it “causes us to choke at the worst possible moments (and to) disengage, — thereby virtually ensuring that we will underperform at the very things we do best and love most”.
Personally, I believe if you have a brain, then regardless of your gender or ethnicity, chances are you will (have) experience(d) Imposter Phenomenon at some point in your life, that is, if you are putting yourself out there and working on moving out of your comfort zone. There could be a myriad of reasons for this, stemming mainly from our beliefs and biographies that impact our self-worth and confidence. Bréne Brown in ‘Atlas of the Heart’ suggests somewhere along the way we adopt a dangerous and debilitating belief – I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it.
This belief system leads to performing through the lens of being perfect, perfectionism. According to Brown, perfectionism takes us away from healthy striving that is self-focussed, asking questions such as ‘how can I improve’ and instead is other-focussed, where we can become obsessed by questions like ‘what will they think?’.
Her research shows that perfectionism hampers success and leads to ‘life paralysis’, where we miss opportunities to put anything out there because we are too afraid of failure, making mistakes, and disappointing and embarrassing ourselves in front of others.
Keeping these feelings and fears under wraps can end up increasing the odds that we will continue to feel this way, because we feel it’s our own fault and we are feeling this way because we are just not good enough. Trying to understand why one feels like an imposter perhaps isn’t where we should be putting our energy. We may never know its root. Instead, maybe our energy is better spent looking at ways to overcome this phenomenon so we can stop holding ourselves back and share our gifts with the world confidently!
So, what can help us? Maybe a good place to start is with our beliefs. Our beliefs in the main, are not something we arrive at consciously. We didn’t wake up one day and decide that we would start to believe things that hinder our development, confidence, and progress. However, if we are dealing with Imposter Phenomenon then we will have some underlying beliefs that do indeed hinder rather than help us. What are they? Get curious. Notice that personal narrative and what it is that you feel so sure of, and then question it, flip it to something more useful and supportive. (And do this often, beliefs need legs to stand on, explained in my blog back in June 2023 – Extraordinary People).
When starting something new or scary what is your self-talk saying? Do you have an expectation of failure, of mistakes, and more importantly, if you do, what meaning are you associating with that? We do not go into something for the first time (or even the tenth) nailing it. We have to expect to fail and for it to be uncomfortable, after all, it’s the only way we become better. We must expect this to be part of the process and an important part at that. It helps us learn and grow and to find other, maybe better ways. Maybe one of the first beliefs we can foster is that we won’t achieve what we were hoping to, but we will learn so much from it. Would we really call that failure? This would naturally be a critical part of the journey!
Another thing we can do is to keep a log or portfolio of our successes. Generally, we are often so focussed on what’s next, or on our shortcomings, and it isn’t natural to celebrate our own success. We all want to be humble of course but we also need this to be balanced with a view of our achievements and therefore our capabilities and confidence. It somehow seems easier to praise others when they do well, and why? We want to be supportive; we want to help build and instil in our people, positive beliefs so that they feel good about themselves. Let’s take a little of that energy and effort back to our own houses shall we?! By houses I mean our own brains! This requires us to define what success would like look like at different stages of trying to achieve something. Then, when we reach these milestones, it’s ok to say ‘wow, I nailed that!’.
Think about what success means to you. Amrit talks of how no one has the monopoly of how things should be done or what success looks like. That means we get to define it for ourselves. Just because someone who, yes, might be acing life, does something one way, it doesn’t mean that that is the only way. Have a word with yourself, taking the time to consider if you were starting from scratch, how would you do it? Then have a go and be curious and flexible. These are very good qualities to help us go with the flow, adapt, and learn.
Lastly, keep talking about it. Let’s talk about it so much that it has nowhere to hide and that we come to know and trust that this is a normal part of being human in this society. If we are feeling it or suspect that someone else may be in a position where this could be lurking behind the scenes let’s reach out.
We can talk about beliefs, successes, defining and forging new paths to walk down, confidently, and unashamedly, and that when we miss the mark first time, and we will, that we will hold the space for each other to pick ourselves back up, and try again and again, until that imposter doesn’t exist anymore. And where she might still lurk, she does so, so far in the background that she doesn’t stop us stepping up and sharing our wonderful selves with the world.
Listen to the podcast here.
Sources
https://thedecisionlab.com/reference-guide/organizational-behavior/impostor-syndrome
Lebowitz, S. (2016, January 12). Men are suffering from a psychological phenomenon that can undermine their success, but they’re too ashamed to talk about it. Business Insider. https://www.businessinsider.com/men-suffer-from-impostor-syndrome-2016-1
https://leanin.org/news-inspiration/overcoming-imposter-syndrome-to-reveal-your-presence#
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