On our ‘Engaging People Powering Companies’ podcast this week, Amrit talks about how extraordinary people are, and how as leaders, if we don’t see the ‘extraordinary’ in our people, then how can we drive amazing workplaces?

He starts by acknowledging that in the main, people don’t really believe they are extraordinary - that there is nothing special about little old us. I can resonate! But how do we go about finding our extraordinary?

I started working with Amrit last August. I was in a place where I believed in the mission wholeheartedly, but questioned whether I could actually be an asset?! Not so much now. I knew we shared similar career paths, hopes for the world of work, and were very aligned in our values, but I was not convinced I would be good enough to do him, and the team proud. I am no stranger to Imposter Syndrome, and have been known to put people on pedestals, and often assume people are better than me, feeling like I need more qualifications, or experience before I would be able to class myself as credible.

Lucky for me though, Amrit has discovered what his extraordinary is and has been helping me discover mine. And not just mine, but the whole team’s. You see, his extraordinary is that he truly believes he sees what people don’t see in themselves, and he holds space and counsel for them to discover it.  He believes it and lives it every day.

Belief is everything, and we talk about it all the time. What narrative are we telling ourselves about who we are, what we are capable of, and what obstacles are in our way? We can have a habit of standing in the way of our own extraordinary. Covering it up with so much noise that it is drowned out and as such, making it impossible to see, reinforcing a narrative that we don’t have extraordinary in us.

You may have heard the saying ‘where focus goes energy flows’. We have control over where we put our attention. So, let’s first notice where our focus is and see where we are sending our energy. If you don’t believe this is a thing, then I urge you, next time you are in the shower, allow yourself to focus solely on the feeling of the water on your skin and then feel the goosebumps!  Let’s be picky and intentional with where we put our focus, and make sure that as best we know, we are sending our energy to build, and strengthen our own extraordinary.  

It is also worth checking what beliefs we hold about the capabilities of ourselves and others. Are they empowering and helping with our growth and that of others, or are they limiting in nature, and reinforcing behaviours that are keeping us stuck? Is a growth mindset something you believe in, or do you feel it is a bit fruitless, and if so, why? Where does that come from?

Beliefs were once explained to me by a very wise person (not Amrit!), describing them as tables. The top of the table is the overarching belief, and for the purpose of an explanation, let’s say that it is a belief that ‘I am lazy’. The legs that support the tabletop, will be things I have used to prove throughout my life, that I am lazy. Maybe I didn’t complete a task and my self-talk said ‘I was lazy’– one leg. Maybe a boss told me I was lazy – another leg. Maybe I ignored goals because I couldn’t be bothered - you get the picture. The more legs, the more stable and sturdier the table (the more firm the belief).

Now this doesn’t mean that when we question each leg, we can’t then decide to smash it with a hammer. For example, if a boss once told me I was lazy, I could decide whether they were a credible person to pass judgement on me on that way, and then smash the leg. Or maybe if I didn’t complete a specific task, I could attribute it to being tired and needing rest, as opposed to being lazy, getting rid of another leg. Without the legs, the table (belief) can’t stand.

I would like to say that I consider myself tenacious, and actually hold a firm belief, that if I want to do something, then good luck stopping me! Laziness is not a belief I hold about myself, but it is one easily explained. We all have a trillion beliefs that either help or hinder. And as Henry Ford said, “whenever you think you can or think you can’t, either way you are right”. So, what are the beliefs are you so sure about, that might be covering up your extraordinary?

We need to be willing to find out, and be super curious about our own talents, patterns, and behaviours.  We also need an underlying belief, that we have something to offer, as does everyone else. A belief that we have our own extraordinary.

Joe Navarro, a former FBI agent and author, identified ‘Five Domains of Exceptional (we will call it extraordinary) People’ which are all necessary, and they are as follows:

1. Self-mastery - where we notice the areas that need attention (any of those limiting beliefs). This is the getting curious bit! Noticing, and getting to know our emotions, strengths, and weaknesses. Understanding what we can do to help better ourselves so we can bring our best to all we do.
2. Observation - active observation, using the senses to decode what is going on around us and knowing that there could be multiple explanations to things. What we believe may not in fact be true. This relates to observing self and others.
3. Communication - harnessing the power of great communication, helping people feel seen, heard, and understood, which in turn builds trust and strong relationships.
4. Action - actions show who we are, what’s important to us and how we feel about others. And without the above three domains, we wouldn’t know what actions are important!
5. Psychological Comfort – this is a state where our biological and emotional needs and preferences are met, which then allows us to stretch and grow and find our own extraordinary!

We all have the capability of achieving the domains above! Do you believe that?! And also, whilst on the journey of discovering our own extraordinary, it really doesn’t hurt to have someone role modelling the characteristics above. Someone who has done the work, and who knows their extraordinary, and who is dedicated to helping you find yours!  This is the power of great leaders. They create the right environments for people to flourish and find meaning in their everyday lives. This is life changing, and therefore of course, good for business!

I’ll end with the quote Amrit shared by Brene Brown in her book Daring Greatly: How the courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead.

“When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make. Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience.”

Perfect and bulletproof do not exist so let’s not waste the opportunities we have. We are here now, with a whole lot of experiences, a biography, a uniqueness that makes me, me, and you, you. We have a whole library of beliefs that have built up over a lifetime, and they can either help or hinder us. We all have the power to make all the difference in the world to ourselves and others.  Let’s give our extraordinary the space it needs to be unleashed, and in doing so, make it possible for those we lead to do the same.

Listen to the podcast here.